My Catharsis

If you know me at all, you know I'm not an excessively outward display of emotion type of person. Tonight I was going through pictures and I came across some of me and Becky, in 2nd grade. For those of you who don't know, Becky was diagnosed with leukemia in 2007 and heaven gained an angel dec. 30, 2010.

I think about the 7 hour visitation...the constant flow of people, to celebrate the life she lived. The lives, which were touched by her life.

Sometimes I wonder if we even realize how many people our lives are affecting. I decided to torture myself emotionally and read all her mom's updates on her carepage...yes I cried, because I miss my friend, I cried because of the loss of life, I cried at all the things that will never be done, and I cried because of all the missed opportunities.

Part of me wonders...well I guess what every proclaimed christian wonders when they're dealing so close with death. Did I do all I could do? Is her eternity on my hands?

Today I weep, not only for my own selfish loss, but at my own lack of display of true love. We were friends 15 years.... Did I share christ? Yeah, in the same way a kid shows off new clothes at christmas time. Why wasn't I more enthusiastic like a rare antique's collector who has finally found the unique piece I've searched my whole life for. Overwhelmingly excited to share the beauty and knowledge with everyone. Is Christ not worth that? We're doing our Easter drama, I look at the Trials and Tribulation scene when God of the earth is robed in flesh and condemned to death...for me...and I can't even share His love?

I'm sorry Becky. I'm sorry I didn't share Jesus with you. I can't reason and rationalize "hoping" You saw Jesus in me, through my life.

Dear God, Please forgive me for not loving You enough to share You with my world. Forgive me for taking life for granted. I have learned that we are not promised tomorrow. Truly, in the blink of an eye life can be gone. Please give me a daily, growing conviction to share Your love with all I come in contact with. Continue to mold me, an make me more like you. Thank you for being a Just God, a Forgiving Savior, a Merciful Judge, and a Graceful Reedemer.

Go live each and every moment. Tell people what they mean to you. Hugs, touches, are important. Don't miss the opportunities. Don't worry over the small things. Be NICE to people. Give people a second chance or a third....