How To Forget

Yesterday I succeeded in pretending I no longer care about someone. Fact of the matter is, he probably didn't even notice. You see, it was his birthday and i successfully didn't wish him a happy day.

I know it sounds really childish and petty. However, to me, birthdays are kind of a big deal. It means so much to me when people remember. Unfortunately I'm sure that's not the case with him.

I guess what it boils down to is that I'm well on my way of walking out of his life. I want to know that I meant something to him. I want him to miss me, to know that our friendship meant that much to him.

Not just him... but with the 4 friends I've lost this year. Maybe everything was just a waste of time. But, if I meant something, and they're still getting along just fine, I'd really like to know the secret.... to being ok after someone who was a huge part of your life is no longer a part.

Forfeiting Peace

So tonight we had a worship spectacular. My uncle sang at the end. One of the songs he sang was What a Friend We Have in Jesus. It was like I was hearing that song for the first time in my life.

What a Friend We Have in Jesus : when I've been surrounded by people, but feeling so alone.

All our sins and grieves to bear : I.don't have to handle anything on my own.

What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer : I can tell Him everything. In fact, that friend I've been searching for, who knows everything about me, my thoughts, emotions, its Him!

O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.

This last part... Wow. My heart has just been feeling so beat up and bruised lately. My aunt defriended me on Facebook... As much as I say it doesn't bother me, it still hurts. We're family...

Healing takes time.

However, in the mean time, God has hidden me to protect me, but He hasn't forgotten about me.

My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. Song of Solomon 2:14

The Infamous Question

When I was in Argentina one of the first questions people would ask upon meeting me was "tienes un novio?" - "do you have a boyfriend?"

The answer was no, and I never really thought much about it, having an understanding of their culture. However, all of that was a year ago. Now, I'm a year older, seen one of my longest friends become a mom, the other one get married, I'm also less 4 of my close friends, and now have a grasp on what direction my life is going. < all of that and I'm still Stephanie...single.

I worked with a girl for the first time about a week ago. After working together, she stalked me on Facebook, then sent me a message saying she thought I was "AMAZING". Monday night we worked together again. She happened to blurt the question "why don't you have a boyfriend??"

I could have told her about all the wasted emotions on a guy who didn't have the decency to communicate with me. How for the last year my heart has been beat up by someone who I thought cared about me. Instead, I looked at her, smiled and shrugged.

But in my mind it hit me, like a hurricane of bricks. I couldn't tell her all of that because in reality, its a messy situation.

Truth is, I don't like messy.

So am I single because I don't like messes, and relationships get messy? Maybe... In a sense... Yes.

I look at the people around me who are in relationships and quite honestly they are so dysfunctional.

To sum it up: these people have settled. I refuse to settle!

Dr. Seuss said "it's a troublesome world. all the people who are in it, are troubled with troubles almost every minute....You ought to be thankful, a whole heaping lot, for the places and people you're lucky you're not."

And I am, I'm so thankful I'm me. I know I have a lot to offer.

Be courteous to all but intimate with few and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. this is my advice from George Washington on dating.and friendships.

I understand that no relationship will be perfect. It can't be, because its made up of two imperfect people.

is it too much to ask for a person who is perfect for me?